Cat, Dog and Human Wear Them

Perhaps you did not click on the link I posted last week to read Race Bannon’s excellent speech at Southwest Leather, a conference celebrating the Master/slave Dynamic.  Here’s the real meat:

Collaring Ritual ©Cléo Dubois

“Too often we seem to forget that we all do this stuff that we do for one ultimate purpose – so that we can bond, connect and play with others of like mind. We tend to forget that the connections and relationships we create and foster are really why we’re here. It’s about the connections. It’s about the relationships. It’s about the play. It’s about enjoying our individual erotic identities even as we celebrate them communally. Everything else we do must support those things or our efforts are way off the mark. At least that’s the assumption I operate under.”  Me, too!

While many of us incorporate M/s or D/s in our BDSM play, not everyone is drawn to the M/s lifestyle.  Master/slave and Dominant/submissive relationships are radical erotic agreements that involve the gift of self.

Each hierarchical dynamic-based partnership is unique. They have one thing in common: it isn’t easy.  It is crucial that all participants be completely honest with each other, equally committed to personal growth and mutual acceptance.  One of the few successful lifestyle M/s couples I know is Master Bert and slave nadine.

Married for thirty years and involved in their local leather community, Master Bert wrote his dissertation on “Partner Selection, Power Dynamics, and Sexual Bargaining in Self-defined BDSM Couples.” He says, “most of us get into SM because of our sexual desires.  What we do ends up being bigger than that.  We need to be willing to realize that over the long haul it is about relationships.  Being a Dominant does not buy you one.  You need to be willing to learn who she/he is and not demand the impossible.”  By accepting the call to leadership, he says, “ my focus is on the greater good, rather than on my wants, and that is one of the elements that I believe makes me a Master worth obeying.”  And that I do respect!

At an Intensive ©Cléo Dubois

I also respect the choice made by the man you see here wearing my collar. First and foremost he is committed to his Mistress, his life partner.  He identifies as slave and, with her permission, serves other women. “I like being taken down by pain, pleasure and/or humiliation into the place of my Worship of Women as the Manifestations of Goddess. I feel it is my destiny to further the emergence of the Divine Feminine in every way that I am called to do so.”

A patient man and a good masochist with massage and Tantra training, “The Slave” truly is a servant, adorer, healer and a good slut. I value the service he gives to me and the women who attend the Erotic Dominance Intensives. He knows who he is and why he is doing this, the most important questions you need to answer before getting into any D/s relationship.”

For me collaring rituals are a great way to indicate the start and the end of any consensual erotic exchange that involves a D/s dynamic.

Photo by Cléo Dubois

Whether it be for a scene, a weekend, a month or longer, though, leather collars are not costume jewelry.  A collar accepted by my submissive at the start of our play establishes the container in which we connect, me as the Top, him/her as submissive to me for the duration.

Both submission to another’s will and the caring control of a loving Dominant are gifts of our erotic identities Race spoke of so eloquently.  

You may be my boy only for just 3 hours. But those 3 hours are sacred …  I accept your service, your surrender, your masochistic needs, and honor the connection we build together.  And it is hot!  That’s why I choose my life’s work: continuing to help folks, monogamous or poly, married or not, in couples or triads savor the complex flavors of acknowledged erotic powerplay safely.

In kink and leather pride, with heart,

Cléo Dubois

Men, do you want some help stepping into your erotic dominant self with skills and confidence?  Eve Minax and I are enrolling the March 15-16 Intensive!  Click here to reserve!  Never hesitate to contact me privately!