With all of the talk right now about taking baby steps into BDSM and kink, sanitizing and gentrifying it, I want to tell you about my 20 year archetypal and elemental relationship with Mike, whose name I changed for this story.
How does one’s kinky interests start? Sometimes I wonder if seeing a little “martinet” hanging on a nail in my parent’s bathroom in Paris did not imprint an interest in BDSM which I did not embrace until many years later in California. The martinet is just a cheap little cat of nine tails that could be bought in any drugstore, a means of enforcing good behavior.
What a pleasure that Essence party I was invited to last weekend! It started with a little workshop I was asked to teach on SM 101. A room full of sensualists, tantrics, kinksters sexual explorers predominantly in their 20s and 30s, all dressed up for play. Fantasy clothing a la Burning Man, corsets, spandex and glitter, a little leather too! The atmosphere
Many of us got bullied as we grew up and endured non-consensual humiliation as kids. These become our "buttons" as adults; some hold turn-on value while others can never be erotic. For example, I do not know a single woman who enjoys being humiliated over the shape of her body! You might want to be a "piggy bottom" Saturday night but you expect respect at brunch on Sunday!