The 4 A’s
Even 26 years later, a lesson that had not been forgotten brought tears to my eyes. Last Saturday I started a spontaneous scene with one of our trusted bottoms with the intention of demonstrating the subtle dynamic that comes into play when you truly connect with your partner.
Charlie presents himself as the eager puppy. His enthusiasm can intimidate students just getting their feet wet in the pool of erotic dominance. But I know him. I was his first Mistress. He visited my little dungeon in 1988 for a couple of hours of play. As he reminded me, he was so scared and oh sooo excited! Now he offers his submission to my students. I know that Charlie has always enjoyed humiliation play. I collared him and instructed him to insert a butt plug tail in his round butt. Pretty embarrassing being watched doing so, don’t you think?
Toying with his nipples and looking him straight in the eyes, I asked “what do you remember from our first scene?” I was stunned as Charlie spoke the mantra I used to teach my submissive clients. The 4 A’s: allow, adjust, accept, appreciate. His usual grin left his face, tears filled his eyes, mine too.
He has honored that code for all these years with his Dominant partners!
How deep these apparently fleeting scenes can be! Here was a real lesson for the budding professional Domina. We not only hold control in the moment, but also assume responsibility for those who trust and believe in us.
As Patrick Mulcahey, a wonderful Leatherman community activist I hold in great respect, said at January 22nd’s Leathermen’s Discussion Group, many young men want to experiment with the D/s and M/s dynamic without being collared 24/7. He invited me to join his panel on Structured Relationships. He knew I could share how I dominate and connect with often total strangers in a way that is ethical and leaves them wanting more.
So let’s recap:
- know who are are and what you know
- negotiate honestly
- know what you need as Top or bottom
- take responsibility for your part of the power dynamic
- and remember, we’re playing!
Embrace your kink, whatever it is: allow, adjust, accept, and appreciate!
In kink with heart,