Now that kink and BDSM are really out of the closet, many young women curious about professional dominance are seeking training. My path differed in that I became a Mistress the year after I discovered my passion for SM. Like most SM players then, I started by bottoming. It did not take me long to pick up the basic play skills that served my dominant desires. In the arms of the burgeoning leather community, I learned and earned my reputation for tuning in to my play partners with caring sadistic intensity.
I was never a bitch. In fact I really resent that label. When the contact magazine “Bitches with Whips” wanted my advertising dollar, I would not unless they added “Caring Sadists and More!” And they did!
For me being a professional Domina was all about finding my place of personal power. I needed to express my passion. I was a whip Mistress; providing intense sensation to men willing to receive that energy turned me on! I valued my clients’ need to bottom and surrender. Along the way, my skills and appreciation of many fetishes increased as did my compassion for those seeking my services. Then and now, many submissive, masochistic and fetishistic clients carry shame about their desires. It is an honor to help them experience their often secret passions as sacred erotic exchanges.
Having “play slaves “ was hot for a few hours at a time, however, the 24/7 Mistress or Master/slave lifestyle has never been my cup of tea!
My longtime friend Sybil Holiday, a lifestyle Domina since 1980, help me greatly to find that piece. She helped me see that “Erotic Dominance starts with control & containment and turns into dominance at the edge of consent. First, control of oneself, self-consciousness, awareness of one’s own moods, triggers, health, own needs versus wants. Then, take mental and body control of your submissive. How is this manifested in D/s terms? Collars, ritual, orders, training. All of them must suit both You and the subject, like a jewelry setting suits a stone. A jeweler who works with a turquoise is usually a different kind of craftsperson than one who works with diamonds, and also one does not cut and set a diamond like a turquoise.
Not all submissives are alike. Some are diamonds, some are turquoises. So, who is being trained? Submissive? Slave? Slut? Masochist? Puppy? Pony? Sissy? Servant? Butler? Housemaid or personal maid? Do they really know what and who they are, or is their identification arising only from fantasy and dreams? Also, know intimately what You wish to train/teach. Know how to give orders – be clear, precise, and consistent, as in dog training or parenting.”
And then Sybil adds, “But above all, WHY are you doing this? Is this for you, the sub, and/or both of you? What is the intent and whom does it serve?”
A question to consider if professional dominance is in your mind.
Professional Dominance is not a new venue. The Dominatrix has been in the dark shadows of erotic services for a long time. Once the internet exploded, She became more visible but not necessarily better understood. Still stigmatized in a carnal pleasure-negative society, professional Dommes, as the term took hold, are still perceived as sex workers with a coating of leather or latex glamour. It is only recently, with the gentrifying of kink through the internet, that we are starting to be looked at in a better light.
The lure of “easy” money and fantasy of control attracts many a woman who equate male fulfillment with female dominance. It is a complex and delicate proposition to provide a Dominant service, indeed!
New Mistresses can educate themselves with the play and safety skills required to create a session. Some will leave the field after a brief stint at Mistress-ing. Those who find their own archetypal place of feminine power will continue to embody the Matriarch, Goddess, Priestess, Femme Fatale, Teacher and Healer with pride and empowerment. I wish them fulfilling sessions and personal growth along the way to a successful business.
In kink with heart,