Fakir and I returned from our journey to Southwest Leather Conference in Phoenix, Arizona full of love for the tribe that embraced and honored us as the elders that we have become. Preparing the 100 images presentation illustrating our talk was more than a trip down memory lane. It brought our personal journeys together in a burgeoning culture that certainly has recently exploded. Amazing how kink, BDSM, body rites and modifications that celebrate personal empowerment and erotic power exchange have grown!
Look online and you will see how hook energy pulls are “in” all over the USA, Europe, and beyond. Prolific indeed but often not focused on the BodySpirit connection like it was in Phoenix two weeks ago. Thank you for embracing that ancient rite and for all the heartfelt feedback we received. At BDSM conferences taking photos is not permitted, I can only share with you a pic of the altar I made as a focus point honoring the Archetypes of the Tamil culture that inspired us.
On the other hand I just heard of some pretty distressing practices in a different metropolitan community. Shall I call it the painful price of growing too fast ?
A friend wrote, “There is this crazy competition to see who can do the edgiest things. The latest craze is floggers created with barbed wire. You can’t play unless you have a current Tetanus immunization. If you do rope then you have to do full suspensions, and those suspensions should have lots of swinging and spinning. ….. another trend that seems to go with it: the number of consent violations is climbing fast. I know several submissives who negotiated scenes with some of the better known Doms in the community. After the scenes started, the Doms pretty much just ignored the agreement and did what they wanted….I have talked to a lot of the Doms in the area, and there is definitely a culture of “Get what you want” with new subs. Many see nothing wrong with changing the scene after the sub is in the fog. A lot of these subs are new, and don’t understand what’s happening. They are unprepared, the Dom is experienced. They want to please, to not screw up, so they endure. Afterward, they blame themselves.”
Now THAT is just wrong, damaging, unethical and it saddens me greatly. I was mentored by a community whose motto was safe, sane, and consensual. Later we refined it as RACK (risk aware consensual kink). Anything less is abuse. Broken trust has profound repercussions, leaving scars deeper than any cane marks and harder to heal. Dominance is about control and connection, not force and coercion. The gift of submission is to be respected and nurtured.
Bill Henkin and Sybil Holliday’s excellent book, “Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk about it and Do it Safely” is my “go-to” reading for anyone interested in BDSM, kink: erotic power exchanges of all kinds. You can find my own docu-films on real BDSM play, “The Pain Game,” and “Tie Me Up!” on my websites. Visit my resource list right here http://www.cleodubois.com/wp/library/
I only hope this doesn’t have anything to do with the “50 Shades” craze. I do not want anyone to get hurt!
In kink with heart, and leather pride,
In the SF Bay area? I’ll be at Good Vibes on Polk Street Tuesday, February 24 at 6:30pm to take you step by step through all the shades of real BDSM play! Couples interested in dipping into this erotic pool or looking to add to their play options, visit http://www.cleodubois.com for details and contact information. We can even skype about it! The only Erotic Dominance Intensive weekend for Women in 2015 is April 18-19 in San Francisco. Find out more and enroll at http://www.sm-arts.com