Treat Or Trick?
We all know about clear negotiation for play that is safe, sane and consensual, the established BDSM motto. Obviously, many of the things we do come with some risk. So now we have RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink! Playing out our fantasies brings turn-on, intimacy, pleasure and often some healing. But not always. We bring our history with us, and there could be a minefield ahead. Something we do not see until, stepping on it, it explodes.
My dear friend, Anna, did not have a happy childhood. The first time she agreed to play as the little girl she once was, she really prepared for what she thought would be a loving time with Daddy.
She shopped for frilly panties, white socks and flat mary janes. Putting her hair in pigtails, she locked herself in the bedroom anticipating eagerly when “Daddy” would knock at the door. She asked him, “Will you be a good Daddy?” He reassured her that indeed he would be a very good Daddy. “Open the door Darling and let me in.”
Anna had just opened the door when Daddy said, “give me your wrists, dear” and slapped a pair of handcuffs on her. Poor little Anna, frozen with fright, started crying. Needless to say, the scene was over before it started. What was her Top thinking? Of his own fetish for metal toys I suppose? Handcuffs are truly inappropriate for erotic age play, his timing was atrocious. Anna found herself once again being the scared child she once was. If only her play “Daddy” had seductively bound her wrists with pink velvet ribbons, that would have been a whole different story.
You cannot be aware of a trigger until it goes off. Most of us have been bullied. We have emotional limits.
Once I modeled for a friend’s camera. Starting as a playful scene with me bound to a chair, hands tied behind my back, he chose to tease me with chocolate truffles. A little game of tease and denial… and humiliation. I instantly travelled back to several Christmas days of my childhood. My uncle would sadistically tease me by denying me dessert, the delicious “Bûche de Noel” at our family dinner. That painful memory reactivated and what should have been just a tease pushed a painful emotional button. Red. Stop. How could my friend have known?
The roots of erotic humiliation are in our dark memories. Venturing into roleplay we can reach into these hidden places and take some power back.
Anna wanted to trust Daddy and receive a sexy spanking. After some honest process, they gave it another try. SM magic did happen a couple of months later with pretty bondage, a sweet spanking, and lots of praise for her little girl.
In kink with heart,
Ready to explore your kink? I coach couples in the privacy of my dungeon and offer Erotic Dominance Intensives to those eager to dive into this erotic pool. Curious or confused about kink, let’s Skype about it. Read a new real story here every Saturday morning at 10am! Enjoy, comment, share!