As this blog goes live I will be at Thunder in the Mountains, Denver’s yearly Leather Conference, one of my very favorite gatherings of leatherfolk and kinky players. I started teaching about SM and fetish a couple of decades ago at a similar event. I was a professional Dominatrix; being asked to educate others was a big honor.
Made sense to me, though! Taking kinky folks on journeys of masochism, fetishism and surrender taught me a lot about psyche and the depth of sophisticated dark eros … and I was willing to share. There is no denying that kinky explorations connect the dots between our sex, heart and spirit.
However the work of a Professional Mistress remains misunderstood. The stereotype of the cruel, cold bitch, scantily clad, towering over her lowly slaves really does not do justice to She who chooses that path to empowerment and service.
A “Dominatrix” manifests her calling by guiding her submissives and masochistic clients on the path of self-acceptance and embodied eroticism.
I recognize the work of the Domina as that of Healer, one who sheds light on the darkest secrets of her clients. She holds the mirror to their fantasies minus the shame that so often taints their deepest desires. Most of us have found healing and empowerment from bottoming privately to trusted lovers. I always knew that I was providing an honorable service, which was also very enjoyable in its energetic creativity. I wore more than a few hats: Temptress, Confidante, Mistress, Priestess, Disciplinarian, Specialist,Trainer; but really I was just being me.
The beauty of a confident dominant woman is that she is unexpectedly real.
Oh sure, like everyone she has insecurities, but the woman who speaks her truth and fearlessly embraces her kinky desires holds power that is sacred.
Back in 1990, “Different Loving,” published by Villard/ Random House, shed light on the many facets of the consensual exploration of erotic power exchange. And then the Internet exploded! The “Dominatrix” became more visible but not necessarily better understood. Still stigmatized in a carnal pleasure-negative society, professional Dommes, as the term took hold, continue to be perceived as sex workers with a coating of leather or latex glamour. The lure of “easy money” and fantasy of control attracts many a woman who equates male fulfillment with erotic dominance. They either leave the professional scene disappointed after a brief stint at Mistressing or step up their game.
Having a genuine interest in BDSM, respect and enjoyment of kink is imperative. My hope is that young women coming to this profession educate themselves.
The play and safety skills the work requires are a given, but finding their own archetypal place of feminine power within and in community is essential.
Erotic, passionate and compassionate, the Domina is here to stay and I am here to empower her as much as I can.
In kink with heart,