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One Foot Out!


Anima III from Spirit + Flesh http://fakir.org/store/index.html

Anima III from Spirit + Flesh
http://fakir.org/store/index.html

Do you know who this is?  Here’s a little clue: this “young lady” is also a pioneer and connoisseur of native cultures in this country and abroad, whose own experimentation with altered states continues to explore the relationship between spirit and flesh.

This picture was taken in 1955… We met in 1980 and started to date in 1987.  Funny how when one falls in love, we only see what we want to see!

I totally ignored his female side until, in Mexico together, we met two genderqueer  men gracefully presenting female.  He befriended them and that’s how my eyes opened up to his Two-Spirit soul.  What was it about these “girls” he liked so much?  He told me he felt he was one of them. So I let him wear one of my dresses, a lovely white little number.  I took him shopping for a pair of heels.  To my surprise he knew how to walk in them like a lady.  All was fine until later that week.  We were playing.  I had him tied down on a chair in lacy panties and my resentment surfaced and exploded. I  degraded him mercilessly for what I then called his lack of masculinity!  That was cruel and really hurt. His inner “grrl” retreated and did not come back out to play for months.

During the beginning of my days as a professional Domina I had encountered kinky men who enjoyed wearing women‘s clothes.  I really did not get it and thought them a tasteless imitation of women, to be humiliated and punished.

I “got” the drag queens, so over the top, super glam and  campy , but not the crossdressers.

Raised a very straight white catholic girl, I had a very narrow perception of gender.  I did not know anything about the traditional role of ” Two- Spirit “ people in shamanic native cultures or the Jungian concept of Aminus and Amina within us all.

As we live we learn, we expand our horizons, our compassion grows.  It took me time and a few sessions with a skilled couples counselor  to appreciate nuances of gender and inner personae as valid parts of human personalities. We got back on track.

 Some explorations start with crossdressing, perhaps like Sam in last week’s blog, who discovered she didn’t have to dress like “The Dominatrix” to Top her man.  Her more natural, “The Tailored Gentleman in the Leonard Cohen Hat” just fits better.  For many, that other wardrobe is a true part of who they are, at least in the moment, here to be embraced without shame.

Shaman Fakir

Shaman Fakir
Photo by Erin Flynn

Not everyone who crossdresses is a Two-Spirit walker, though. Regardless whether it’s roleplay or an authentic inner persona, these explorations are empowering and transformative when treated with dignity and respect!  

You can see much of Fakir’s Journey in his hard bound photobook, Spirit + Flesh.

 Want to know more about the Two-Spirit culture?  Just type “berdache” in google search…Ah, modern life and ancient wisdom!

In kink with heart,

Cléo Dubois

Ready to explore your kink? I coach couples in the privacy of my dungeon and offer Erotic Dominance Intensives to those eager to dive into this erotic pool.  Curious or confused about kink, let’s Skype about it.  Read a new real story here every Saturday morning at 10am!  Enjoy, comment, share!

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