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How I Met Alan and Sam


As promised the picture I posted last Saturday is of “7 Dear,” who you can find on Fetlife or on www.solvere7.com where you can order an archival print of “Black Swan.”

When we step into our dominant shoes we want to do it right. We surely do not want to create any physical or emotional harm.  A BDSM coach guides you along your own path.  This is a true story, and far from unique.

alan in leather

Leather Alan
Photo by Sam, 2000

A charming bear with a big friendly smile, Alan came to my dungeon with his girlfriend and a gleam in his bright blue eyes. Barbara had attended some of my classes and liked my style. He had read “Consensual Sadomasochism”, browsed online quite a bit and knew he needed hands-on guidance.  Whipping was the focus of their visit. They both wanted to swing and feel the flogger.  Marks were NOT okay, since both were married to others who did not know about their SM dates.

What a natural the man is!  A yacht racer, knots are not a problem. He has her restrained in no time and quickly mastered the flogging patterns and rhythms I demonstrate.  As her ass reddens, I cannot help but notice the bulge in his black pants!  Good!  Once play is over, he tells me that even before the Internet, his private porn SM ‘zines.  “Alan,” I advise, “you are into BDSM and it is not going to go away.

Now that you started to really play, you might want to think about telling your wife.  Gently, perhaps in a romantic setting, share each other’s fantasies. Make sure you listen, too.”

That was early November.  Around Valentine’s Day, I heard from Alan again:

Hi Cleo,

She knows.  I came out to her completely and guess what?  She told me that for years now she increased her own arousal with her secret kinky fantasies. I was worried that she’s playing at BDSM to try to make me happy, but I can tell she is definitely turned on by it. I’d like you to train her as a Top while I bottom. Probably about 4 to 6 weeks from now. Until then, I want to keep her on the bottom mostly to help her understand that side, then you can help her with topping me. Regards,  Alan

Well ok! Pretty direct and to the point!  They talked and the kinky closet door was swinging open for them both.

Ooh, those secret kinky fantasies!  

Do you reveal them to your lover? Folks often told me they were afraid of being judged by their partners. But how can we really experience intimacy if we do not reveal the many facets of who we are, what we think about when we have sex, what image we hold in our mind, or the words we hear just before we orgasm?

Our bottom fantasies inform our needs for intensity, being used, made to perform, taken hard, giving up control.  Our desire for dominance speaks of our need to “run the fuck,” control our partner, be aggressive or be pleasured.  Negotiate with your lovers for what you really want and as the song goes, you might get what you need.

Keeping it simple rules!  Energy builds… we venture onto the kinky path.

Using our hands, our voices, our eyes, perhaps a few sex toys, a paddle, a blindfold, a set of wrists cuffs, we consciously start to play. We agree to honor the almighty safewords: yellow (please slow down) and red (stop).

Aware of the risks, we promise not to blame each other should we not reach the ecstatic places we imagined.

Folsom Street 2006

Folsom Street Fair Photo by Cléo Dubois

Sam later told me that she knew something was up 3 months before Alan came out to her.  “Instead of sailing one Sunday, he announced at breakfast that we were going to the Folsom Street Faire!  As we reached the entrance gate, this 6’7″ corseted Sister of Perpetual Indulgence looked down her platformed rhinestoned stilettos at me, fluttering her long black eyelashes, and said, “do you consent?” before afixing the admission sticker with I CONSENT in bright red letters on my t-shirt. It was like a temple bell going off.  I remember thinking, this is important, Sam, pay attention!”

I’ll share their first guided play session with you next Saturday.

In kink with heart,

Cléo Dubois

Ready to explore your kink? I coach couples in the privacy of my dungeon and offer Erotic Dominance Intensives to those eager to dive into this erotic pool.  Read a new real story here every Saturday morning at 10am!  Enjoy, comment, share!

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