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The Games We Play


How does one’s kinky interests start?  Sometimes I wonder if seeing a little “martinet” hanging on a nail in my parent’s bathroom in Paris did not imprint an interest in BDSM which I did not embrace until many years later in California. The martinet is just a cheap little cat of nine tails that could be bought in any drugstore, a means of enforcing good behavior.  Although it was never used, the threat of it always circulated in my mind as I grew up.  Along with the glorification of flagellation in my catholic training….must have made a lasting impression.

As we know, our psyches are made up of archetypes, personas, ego, shadow, and self. Our libidos run through them all, a river of erotic energy. Being aware of our inner landscape certainly helps us understand our fantasies, and choose to embody them, or not.

Mistress Minax teaching spanking………Photo by Cleo Dubois

Of course, a taste for impact play doesn’t have to involve fantasy or playing a role! In our BDSM community many versatile players, like me, honor the traditional birthday spanking ritual.  Soft rhythmic blows building up to fiery intensity on the sweet spot part of the derriere that fires up our turn on send most of us flying.  It does take some deep breaths and a little adjustment to relax into it.  Before long, we find ourselves wanting more.  I certainly know that place where my ass really hurts and I think of calling Red, my stop safeword, but I know better than to listen to my head.  I want my head to shut up.

I want to fly and I know the hot pain of a sound rhythmical spanking, whipping or paddling will get me to my happy place; a timeless moment of stillness, a letting go of control, true bliss!

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Photo by Cleo Dubois

However, it’s not simply how much I can take! It’s the trust I have in those who administer the impact.  It’s also the placement and rhythm of the blows on my flesh, my breath, the kegels I do as well as the light caresses at the end when I am all aglow.  Laughter, tears and turn on are all part of these blessed journeys of the flesh as emotions tumble out.

Erotic spanking, along with bondage,  is the most common kink for millions of adults.  Do you know that here in San Francisco, gay, bi and straight men into a good spanking over Daddy’s knee or fraternity style pledge paddling, hold monthly parties!  In jolly old England, my friend Valerie runs a trendy corporal punishment club where gentlemen and not so gentle men, spank naughty misses and bratty bottoms at weekly parlor parties!

Her relationship to spanking started pretty early.  She knew there was something very charged about having one’s skirt lifted in front of the classroom.  The head mistresses would require her consent beforehand and shake her hand afterwards.  That’s how Valerie was inspired to start her own fetish club.  A new incarnation of the club of her teens where the required initiation for all new members was a bare-bottom strapping in front of the other girls, crammed into a very small garden shed in th backyard when the parents were not home.

To this day she is one woman who can orgasm from a good strapping and loves delivering a sound, over-the-knee spanking to “boys , bois,  girls and grrls “  alike.

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Photo by Cleo Dubois

Greta Christina, prominent writer/blogger once wrote, “the pain reminds me that there’s another person out there.  The moment that the [hand, cane or] lash lands on my skin is the moment that another person is touching me. And it’s a touch that gets all the way through. It’s a touch that cuts through my defenses and distractions and the ceaseless running commentary in my head, to land directly in my heart. It’s a touch that makes me know, just for a microsecond, that we are both here now, and that we’re here together.”

Now is that not really a connection that we all seek?
In kink with heart,

Cleo Dubois

When I’m not writing my blog and learning more about social media, I love to mentor couples interested in the eroticism of mutually satisfying BDSM play as well as teach weekend Intensives in San Francisco. Visit both www.sm-arts.com and www.cleodubois.com for video clips, podcasts, articles, resources and more. 

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