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Spanking Virgins! Oh la la!

What a pleasure that Essence party I was invited to last weekend!  It started with a little workshop I was asked to teach on SM 101.  A room full of  sensualists, tantrics, kinksters  sexual explorers predominantly in their 20s and 30s, all dressed up for play. Fantasy clothing a la Burning Man, corsets, spandex and glitter, a little leather too!  The atmosphere was joyous and the reception they gave my talk and demo had me almost giddy!

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Photo by Cleo Dubois

After the talk, I hosted the dungeon room and had the pleasure to meet newbies who were eager to climb on the spanking bench.  These two young men and an on-purpose Mademoiselle really went for it!

When I asked her if she was a good girl, she said, “what’s that?”  I replied, “are you enjoying yourself?  And are you trying to please me?” as I spanked her lovely round cheeks. ” Oh yes!” she nodded,  laughing.  “That’s being a good girl,” I added. 

It so happens that the hostess of Essence who invited me to present at Mission Control  last Saturday, is a graduate of San Francisco’s Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality .  I was there years ago.  It sure feels to me that kink has gained some acceptance in the last few years.  That afternoon, when I showed the flogging scene in my award winning docu-film, “The Pain Game,”  it had a big impact on the students. When the lights came back on, the room was still and silent.

“Take a deep breath,” I said. “Yes, indeed, BDSM can be intense!   And it is negotiated and consensual. I am a sadomasochist and I am also a part-time  homemaker who loves my cat and my plants. Trust me, I do not torment either!” Laughter lightened the mood and I shared my coming out story, as I’ve done here.

Wanting to know a bit about the fantasies of these students of human sexuality, I passed out blank cards. “Write down one of your unexplored fantasies,” I asked. Of the 30 plus cards I collected, the most popular were for three ways (two women one man), forced exhibitionism  and Dominance with a bit of SM.   I  selected a rather common kinky scenario.  It read:

”I wish my girlfriend would sometimes be my cruel Mistress and I her boy toy, she would tie up my pervertables275x250cock, squeeze my balls really tight and take me through my paces.I think she is afraid of hurting me but I feel that she might like to be dominant. She often teases I need a good spanking!”  

My advice? Encourage her to start by giving you that spanking she has been teasing you with.   Purchase a simple paddle, or have a wooden spoon handy as her own hand might get sore before you have enough!  Better yet,  gift her with a sexy pair of leather gloves. She will be able to spank you longer without her hand getting too hot.  Promise to use a safeword like yellow if things get too intense for you, so she does not have to worry about going too far. You can also suggest that she set up a scale of intensity from 0 – 10, so when she asks, your reply tells her where you are at.  Hope that she takes you to 7 or 8 before she stops!  9 is almost limit and 10 means you really had enough. Let your breath and sounds express how much you are enjoying the attention you are getting.

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Photo by Cleo Dubois

Spanking is an erotic game, of many flavors, roleplay, age play, domestic discipline, or birthday ritual and more… foreplay and for many, a rousing start to an evening of adventurous sex.   

Do you still think of it as punishment?  We are NOT little children anymore; real punishment is NO play at all!  Good girls and boys as well as naughty ones and brats all are candidates for a little impact play. First, though, you’ve got to come out with your desire and speak your truth.

Just remember, “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need!”

In kink with heart,

Cleo Dubois

Currently, I’m enrolling two Erotic Dominance Intensives and welcoming couples and individuals to contact me privately.  Happy Valentine’s Day!  Next Saturday at 10, more about these sexy games we play!  

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