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First Love, First Top Scene!

When you hear the word Dominatrix, do you envision a scantily clad slender woman in latex, thigh high boots and bitchy demeanor?  Well, if you do, think again, because I never fit that stereotype.

For many years, I made my living dominating men, and some adventurous women, without ever raising my voice in anger. In the 90’s, I refused to run my ad in the magazine, Bitches With Whips, unless the words “Caring Sadists” was added to the title of the paper ‘zine.   And they were!

Neither did I come into the Scene from watching evil depictions of S/M in Hollywood movies!  As I said last week, a lover took me to Mistress Kat ‘s groundbreaking presentation. I was hooked that very evening!  Bored with the straight swinging party scene where sex felt mechanical, I was looking for more. More connection. More desire. Once I tasted kinky play I just went for it.

Flogging was my first love! Feeling the rhythmical fiery rain of the leather tails on my back  brought me to feel, to really feel my joys and my sadnesses. And I was in awe of Fred, owner of the Catacombs, in his black leather chaps swinging his whip on me during his Saturday night parties.

I felt honored in the sexy company of these gay leather pioneers!  A safe home for going primal, “letting it all hang out”, no taboos,  tears, big laughter, huge orgasms, all ok.

It was not long before I also wanted to be a whip Mistress. I prepare by  flogging my pillow to gain accuracy! Then came the perfect opportunity.

It was 1981 I was working at the Sutter Theater, the last San Francisco Burlesque House. There I met Michael, doe-eyed, dark and macho. The man really wanted to date me.

He was quite clear about being into pleasing women. I told him I was kinky and if he wanted to be in my life, he would have to be my submissive.  Michael prided himself on being adventurous and brave, so he said “yes, sure, no problem.”

Ha! What I really meant is that I wanted to whip his macho attitude out of him and turn him into an adoring sex pet.

He took the dare, and to my roommate’s dismay, I had him screw two big eyebolts into the wood paneling of my bedroom. I wanted to restrain him.  I ordered him to kneel, collared him with a large dog collar I had just bought. As long as he wore it, he was to do as I said. Again, he agreed. Being the good student I really was, I gave him the almighty safewords Janus taught me for assuring play remains consensual.

What I really meant is that I wanted to whip his macho attitude out of him and turn him into an adoring sex pet.

From left to right, Juliet Anderson, Michael, and me at a San Francisco Sex Information party

From left to right, Juliet Anderson, Michael, and me at an San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI) party

I’ll never forget how elated I felt swinging the flogger on his naked back and butt to “Love to Love You, Baby.”   Laying it on hard, over and over while Michael was doing his best to “take it like a man ”  I suddenly noticed that his back was trembling and his breathing was funny. Wow, he was crying!

“I am not hearing your safeword,” I said.

He said nothing, so I carried on, a bit slower, until he was really sobbing. At that point, I felt he’d had enough. A Vietnam Vet, he told me later he had not cried in years.  He was grateful and just a bit embarrassed.  I was touched, held him close and made sure he knew how pleased I was.

We were kinky hot lovers for several years. Not bad for my first try! It sure beat the way I used to ramp up the energy with my previous boyfriends, provoking an argument just so we could make up.  Using my power without manipulation and getting what I wanted sure felt good!

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